Letting It Go

The alarm clock goes off. I negotiate thirty extra minutes with the snooze button (side note...I can never make sense of the way snooze is spelled between 6 and 6:30. I always think it looks funny.) Get up, let dog out, wash hair, put on make up, let dog in, dry hair, chi hair, find an outfit, iron outfit, run out door, drive through Sonic for a diet coke, clock in work, work, clock out of work, and then depending on what day it is, go to some evening activity. Get home at 9 or 9:30 and do it all again tomorrow. I love all of my evening activities...hate the schedule. When I get home at night, choices have to be made. Clothes have to be washed, lunch needs to be made for the week, jack needs to be fed and walked, floors need to be cleaned, and blogging needs to be done. Not to mention, that I need some time at the end of the night to wind down and read or watch tv. IF I did all of that...not only would I not need get to go to bed at any decent hour, but I would be a very grouchy person. So I don't do all of that. Sometimes I don't have lunch for the week made. Sometimes I'm wearing an outfit that I don't particularly care for because its the last clean thing in my closet. Some nights, instead of walking Jack, we run a few circles around the yard. And, sadly, I have learned that I can't blog everyday. I just can't. Some weeks I can. I look forward to those weeks. Those weeks I'm a little but lighter because I did something creative and I like the way my mind feels when I'm creative. (When my mind is in creative mood, instead of a sock, I see sock vase.) Even though it makes me sad not to blog everyday, sad is better than the crazy I would feel if I forced myself to do something I just can't do. I am thankful that I know how far I can push myself, and I'm thankful that I can let the rest go.

A crafty fall project

I am the type of person that can get really excited about a good craft. I saw some great instuctions for an easy craft on designsponge.com and decided to try it. Its an argyle sock stretched over a vase that I already had. Just pick a sock (it doesn't even have to be argyle), do some simple sewing and you have an argyle sock vase! It looks great on my mantle with some fall leaves!

Its officially an unofficial junk food week.

I guess starting Sunday off with junk tv has transferred on over to my diet. As I was ordering my taco bell tonight (with diet coke of course!), I started thinking about all the junk I've eaten today and yesterday and.....oh darn on Monday too. I don't mean to be one of those girls who list everything they have eaten like they are manically tracking every morsel that goes into their mouth and adding the calories up on their mental calculator. But, when I started manically tracking every morsel that has gone in my mouth this week....homemade sticky buns, taco bell, possum pie, pizza, taco villa, pickle flavored pringles.....I realized I may be a tad bit out of control. Its Wednesday so I have two options, feel guilty and try to recover the rest of the week, OR enjoy it declare it junk food week! I choose junk food week. And THAT is what I'm thankful for today. Bring on the fried chinese food!

Fresh Baked Bread

Yummmmmm!

A Day of Nothing

I love a day with no obligations. In addition to a couple of other things, I watched tv all day Mandy style. My friend Mandy is addicted to fantasy football. So much so that she enjoys it all day long on Sunday on the couch. I decided to take some inspiration from her today and relax. Instead of football though, I substituted Lifetime movies. I watched a movie about college girls binge drinking, something about a woman that plotted to kill her husband for his money, a movie about a pageant queen who died but was brought back to life by a kiss from her mortician and something about a haunted sorority house. ALL of this in one day. A whole day of nothing and trash tv. Then I made a yummy pot of stew in celebration of fall. I'm a happy girl.

Doing it Afraid

There are several things I'm scared of...1. Heights (I simply can't imagine me ever jumping from an airplane because its extremely hard for me to get up on a 10 foot ladder) 2. Snakes (I don't think I need to explain this one) 3. Public speaking (Mostly just in front of people I know) 4. Being in a large room of people and I don't know anyone (I'm kind of shy) 5. Getting my feelings hurt (I just hate how it feels and I like to be happy).

Fears are limiting. The degree to which you let them control you determines how far you go in life. Some things, like being afraid of snakes, I don't ever intend to get over. I'm okay with never being a snake handler. The heights thing is frustrating because you do need to get up on a tall ladder and do things sometimes. The other three...are limiting. Public speaking is required for part of my job. I like to have lots of friends, so to meet new people, sometimes it requires that you are in a room with lots of people you don't know. And when you let people get close to you, they do hurt your feelings. We all do.

I heard a great piece of advice on television about a year ago that has revolutionized how I view fear. She simply said..."Do it Afraid". When you let your fears control your behavior, eventually you get tired of the place you are in because that place is as far as you can go. What can you do to move past that rut? Do it afraid! That simple sentence changed that aspect of my life. This week I have done some public speaking and I actually kind of like it. Today I introduced myself to someone new and made a new friend. And lately I have been opening up a little more, trusting others a little more, not letting hurt feelings determine if I'm happy or not...that is still a work in progress. I refuse to let those things that I fear eliminate possibilities that God has in store for my life. Today I am thankful for doing it afraid.

Home Improvement

I love my red tv cabinet. And it is broken. It isn't really a solid indestructible piece of furniture. Periodically the door falls off. I should also mention that I don't normally do home improvement projects that involve saws and wood glue. Once I did cut some tile on my own with a tile saw. But never anything with wood and wood glue and a saw.

After the door to my tv cabinet fell off for the jillionth time and the little wood dowel that makes the door stay on splintered into a million pieces, I realized it was time for action. So I went to the hardware section of Alco (of all places right?) and bought a dowel and wood glue. I was pretty sure I had a saw at home. Wrong. Apparantly I do not own a saw. So, I used the next best thing...a steak knife. I cleared the hole in the door of all splintered debris, cut the piece of dowel to fit in the whole, applied some wood glue and voila!...a fixed door that actually stays on the cabinet. Who says girls can't do lots of things? Today I am thankful that I can do home improvement projects all by myself.

Not taking life too seriously

Someone (I won't mention who) I ate with tonight likes to go to weight watchers and then eat mexican or hamburgers on the way home thinking she will just make it up later. That's my kind of girl! I love those who just appreciate and enjoy life without worrying too much about the "stuff". Today I am thankful for those who remind me to not take life too seriously.

Encouragement

This blog is something that I have felt for a long time that I need to do...for me for some reason unknown to me. I could say that I wanted to write more...which I did. It could be because I was at a point in my life where I desperately needed to focus on the good stuff. I also think that because journaling lets you go back and see in black and white how far you've come...I would have something to look back and see that I really do have a lot to be thankful for. It also helps to do something creative everyday so I can be creative on demand when needed. The overwhelming thing that I felt though, is that God wanted me to. He didn't speak to me in a dream, I didn't hear an audible voice, I wasn't struck by lightning, and an angel did not appear to me in a dream (although I'm not discounting those that have had those experiences). It was more a feeling that would not go away...something I just couldn't get out of my head. So I did it. And I've loved it. Except, that lately it has felt like such a burden. I mean, I'm pretty tired at night and THEN I have to come up with something that happened during the day for which I am thankful. That is kind of hard to do some days. Other days I can't wait to write and it is hard to narrow down between all of the awesome things that happened to me. But, feel like it or not, I made a commitment to myself and I feel like I actually need to try and write every day (even though I have skipped two days).

Today was one of those days. This morning I seriously considered maybe hanging it up...no one would know and I could be thankful just in my head right? But no...I need to continue what I started even if I don't want to. What kind of person would I be if I quit a month into something I committed a year of my life to? I am a champion at responsibility. I'm just not ready to deal with the disappointment of irresponsibility just yet.

Then something strange happened. Three different people emailed, facebooked or messaged me today and mentioned that they liked my blog. Really? There are people actually reading this? Their encouragement miraculously came at a time when I really really needed it. I used to really need verbal affirmation for everything that I did. I have come to the point in my life that I'm happy doing what I'm doing and its ok if nobody else likes it or thinks I'm doing a good job. But today...today I needed it. Today, I am thankful for encouragers.

My morning Sonic carhop

I drink at least two Sonic diet cokes everyday. One in the morning before work and one at happy hour. Even though my happy hour diet coke is half price, my morning diet coke is my favorite. It is my favorite because of the carhop that brings my coke to my car. Not only is she pleasant and always says "have a good day", but sometimes I don't even have to press the red button and order. This morning was one of those mornings. I pulled in a little distracted, thinking about the thousand things I had to do today and getting stressed just thinking about it all, when before I even pressed the button to order the carhop was at my car with my large diet coke. Amazing right? It put a big smile on my face. Its a small thing, but doesn't part of our joy lie in the ability to be happy just on small things alone?

Meeting Author Celebrities

I really like Donald Miller. I like the ideas that he writes in his books...I like that he writes about things in a way that make me see things differently...I like that he starts his own projects to deal with problems he feels are problems...and he just seems like a really nice guy. I am a book junkie, so don't think I'm weird when I say that I would rather meet authors (like Donald Miller) that I like than movie stars (like Brad Pitt). After reading books written by certain authors, especially memoirs, I feel like I kinda know them (in a non-creepy non-stalkerish kinda way). After watching a Brad Pitt movie, I might like the character that he played but I don't know anything about him as a person.

So, imagine how I felt when I found out that Donald Miller was coming to Little Rock to promote his latest book, a book that I LOVED. I was pretty excited. I got even more excited when I found out that he would sign books afterward and I COULD MEET HIM! I had it all planned out...everything I would say and how I would be really witty. I got to the front of the line with my book and......nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing to say. All I could come up with was thank you and I think I laughed awkwardly a little bit. But, I did get a picture! ( please excuse the way that the belt makes me look two times bigger than I really am. it was better in person i hope) I am thankful that I had an opportunity to meet someone that I admire and that I have a picture to prove it.

Patio Oasis

I was sitting on my patio Saturday morning (trying to get Jack to run out some of his morning energy. Unfortunately he is an early riser!) and the sun hit the concrete just right. In just one corner of the patio, the concrete sparkled like really shiny silver glitter. Who knew? Beautiful. I love my patio. I wake up in the morning and have my diet coke on my patio. I eat dinner with my patio at night. I grow tomatoes on my patio. I read with my patio. I think on my patio. Squirrels mock Jack from my patio. Its only weakness is that mosquitos also love my patio. Undaunted I light a citronella candle to get rid of those mosquitos, and my patio becomes even more beautiful. My patio is not just a patio...its an oasis...my corner of the world that I can just be.

Laughing

Sitting around a table with your closest friends and family, eating, talking about nothing, talking about something...then someone says something funny and you laugh. And that laugh triggers another story which triggers another laugh. Pretty soon you are laughing so hard that everyone else at the table thinks there is something wrong with you. In that moment, as I am laughing, it literally takes my breath away how blessed I am. Blessed to have friends and family I love this much, blessed to have something to laugh about, blessed to have food to eat, and blessed that this is such a beautiful life (even with all the bad stuff). These are the moments that make it all worth it. I am so thankful for laughing.

Thai food (yet another post about food) and new beginnings

Tonight I REALLY tried Thai food for the first time. I've picked at it before or eaten it on a buffet...but I haven't REALLY tried it. Which is surprising to me, because I really like food and am always up for trying something new. And, I liked it, which was not surprising to me because I like everything EXCEPT celery. I don't even like celery cut up real fine so you can't taste it (that's what people say make the Thanksgiving dressing that like celery in their dressing) because you can always taste it.

I also ate with a friend that I hadn't seen since last October. As we started talking, I realized that there is so much that has changed in my life in the last year. This past year has been painful and wonderful all at the same time. I can't imagine going back and being the same person in the same circumstances that I was in a year ago. But, I am thankful that something good has come out of a bad situation. Finally...I am at that point where I can look back fondly and say that was a beautiful time of grieving and look how much I learned. When I think about things and how my life was last year at this time, it feels like I am talking about somebody else...someone I used to know. I like the me that I have transformed to be.

I am thankful for the work that God has done in me, I am thankful that He thinks we deserve grace and I am thankful for new beginnings. I'm excited to see what the next year brings.