Saturday, February 6, 2010

Being ok

I'm behind in blogging...or I'm ahead in being one of the worst bloggers ever contest...depends on how you look at it. Its just been so hard lately to find anything to be thankful for (except food and I felt I had already exhausted the number of times per week that I could be thankful for a food item). I guess I was kind of in a funk, but now I'm ok. And I'm back to being thankful!

Most of the reason I have been in a funk and something I have battled all of my life is other's opinions of me. I let other's judgemental words affect how I feel about myself...the careless, angry, harsh words seep in and stew until somewhere in my brain something clicks and (here's the ludicrous part) I actually believe them. I do believe there is a time and a place to take constuctive criticism because we cannot always see ourselves in an accurate light, but I ALWAYS take them. After taking all of these opinions in year after year, I was starting to feel a bit crazy...especially because most opinions that come from multiple others contain conflicting information (you're great, but thoughtless, no you're thoughtful, but selfish, giving, but too quiet, too opinionated, but maybe you could be just a little less opinionated in case a,b or c, too fun, not fun enough). Most people who are were giving these opinions are not even people who really care about me. I got to a place that I didn't even know who I was supposed to be day to day.

But lately, because of many prayers, kind words from a couple of friends and a few extinuating circumstances, I know that I am ok in spite of these opinions. I am immune to all of this information. Lets face it, others are always going to be judgemental and say harsh things. Someone told me lately that I can't feel bad about myself for something that someone else is doing. I pledge to only feel bad about myself when I know that I am doing something that doesn't fit within my moral boundaries or when I know that I have hurt someone because I was careless. That's all...otherwise I think that I have turned into a pretty great person. Today I am thankful that I am ok and that the sun shines in my life again. I am happy.

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